For the past days, I have clinged on to the belief that in the end it will still be us. That one day, fate will once again touch our lives and intertwine the two of us and we would never be separated ever again.
I was wrong. For me to move on, I have to accept. I’ll let you go now. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
Happy Birthday Che-Che! I love you! :)
When you close your eyes and still feel pain. That means you’re in deep shit bro. deep shit.
Woke up 2:55 in the morning. Dreamed of you again. This time it was more detailed.
Banahaw, van, drive, ronica, annie fante, eyebags.
Every after heartbreak, we often find ourselves with two possibilities. First, becoming bitter and turning our backs on love. Second, being vulnerable to entering commitments we might regret.
I want to look deeper on the latter. Whenever we get away from a long-term relationship, we meet strangers. We see new friends. From them, sprouts the thought of having better relationships. This roots out from the problematic past and it becomes highlighted.
It’s as if the universe conspires to show you that that new girl is the right one for you. Everything. Her name, her voice, her ways. It’s as if the universe places her perfectly at that moment after your break-up. And it’s up to you to choose. Then obviously, it will influence your choice. You might feel she’s perfect right now, she understands and she feels the same (especially if she’s in the same situation as well).
Our ability to think rationally becomes clouded with the temporary hype of destiny. Then, eventually, problems enter.
You realize you haven’t moved on yet. You just keep telling yourself you’re ready to love again. Suddenly, you look into the bright open and understand that you still love the one who broke your heart. From this, you create a new tragedy. You hurt not just the two special people in your situation but the people attached to them.
You’ll justify your actions. You’ll say you genuinely love the new girl but in reality, you just missed the one who broke your heart. You just wanted to take vengeance out of the hurt you felt. You just wanted her to feel the gravity of her mistakes. You just wanted her to change and understand that things like that doesn’t make you better.
Then, things become worse and worse and worse.
Believe me, it’s one of the worst I’ve been through. Positioned between rage and sanity, I kinda leaned towards the latter. But I have to be brave. I chose this moment and I shall embrace it with courage.
Right now, the best option is to stay away from such commitments and channel it to yourself. Fixing yourself is never that easy but there is no one else to help you.
Cry and cry. Just cry. Then, Go to church. Exercise. Read books. Watch movies. Laugh, so hard. If you cry again, go back to step 1.
One day, you’ll see a stronger you. You have to move on and understand that you lost control. You fell and you broke. Keep the lessons and leave the past behind. Everything must go. Adapt to the changes and keep fighting against yourself for yourself.
It’s your turn. I have realized, right after we broke up, I decided to move on. But it wasn’t really moving on. I just played. I just cheated on myself. Now, I am suffering. Kill me now. Just please kill me now.
Really painful year for me. Time to move on and accept things.
I’ve hurt so many people in my life this school year. This year is the worst. I want it to be the worst so that it won’t happen again. I need to focus on myself. The genuine time for healing is now.
Is this the truth?
It hurts, so fucking bad.
Putangina lang.
How dare you.
pero dahil kaya pa. Lalaban ako.
After winning PIDC this year :)
1. Enroll summer classes in STAT1 + football (high hopes for this one)
2. Go to the gym
3. Read books. lots of it
4. Habol sa HIMYM
5. Stay away from high school friends :)
Sobrang sakit na milky. Masyado mo nang sinasaktan mga tao sa paligid mo. Umayos ka. Hindi ikaw yan.
